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Prominent Points
- Whenever you engage in any purposive
social exchange or negotiation, detach yourself
emotionally to gain perspective, so you can see the pattern, relationships, and interconnection
of things.
- To be effective in influencing behavoir,
start out by trying to acquire information about your
counterpart's beliefs, motives, values, and underlying needs.
- Always view yourself as a problem
solver, searching for creative alternatives that can satisfy
both sides' real concerns and interests.
- Since all behavior makes sense from
the standpoint of the actor, attempt to see the problem
through their eyes and experiences.
- In dealing with avowed opponents,
realize that getting them to change is in direct ratio to their
pain threshold. Behavior won't be altered until they believe that the danger of intransigence
outweighs the cost of accomodation.
- When we care too much our adrenaline
starts flowing, causing us to become doped up and
dumbed down.
- Even when subjected to irrational
discourse, emotional diatribes, or the threat of an impasse,
strive for a balanced attitude of caring, but not t-h-a-t much.
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Prominent Points
- Because there is a correlation between
aspiration level and outcome, set high goals.
- In the language of negotiation, "no"
does not mean never. Instead, it is a reflexive reaction to
the unexpected or an opening bargaining position.
- Don't necessarily accept the way
the other side has framed an issue or formulated the problem.
- Since fast responses can produce
detrimental consequences, slow down, ask questions, and
seek clarification.
- Especially if you are taken by surprise
and cannot determine equity, find ways to stall or
delay, ranging from calling a recess to identifying with your pen or wristwatch.
- The best response to those who have
all the answers is to say, "I dunno", or, "I don't
understand", or, "Please help me."
- Generally, begin negotiations in
an amiable fashion using the Socratic pose of ignorance.
- Keep the ultimate decision maker
out of the nitty-gritty of deal making. If that's not possible,
convince him his own capacity to say "yes".
- Where practical, have an associate
with you when you go into a bargaining session.
- Always begin all strategic interactions
in a confenial and respectful manner in the hope that
your counterpart will respond in kind. If they don't reciprocate, it's easier to move from a mode
of cooperation to one of competition than vice versa.
Applying Moses' Mosaic
- Display humility, deference, and
respect, commending the other side for what they have
previously accomplished.
- Remind your negotiating partner of
your shared history that is worth preserving.
- Because negotiating is a mixed-motive
game, instead of initially focusing upon areas of
disagreement, start with mutual interests. While differences exist, point out how both sides'
ultimate goals are compatible.
- View the conflict as an opportunity
to solve the problem creatively where everyone's needs are
satisfied.
- Subtly remind your negotiating partner
of the investment they've already made.
- Call attention to the ultimate distasteful
and problematic consequences of their proposal that
perhaps they have not considered.
- Delicately mention the commitments
previously made and your faith that your partner would
never go back on his or her word.
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Prominent Points
- How
you interact (your demeanor or approach) registers more than what you are discussing
(terms and content).
- People are more influenced by the
manner of the messenger than the message itself.
- Effective negotiators have a style
that [is equal to] those whom they are trying to influence,
relate to, and admire.
- Successful persuaders within the
United States, whether policians, managers, or salespeople,
are distinguished by certain style characteristics.
- The ability
to express ideas in simple terms, framing issues so that choices are clear-cut.
- An optimism
and hopefulness about the future.
- Coming across
as the embodiment of ordinary folk -- regular guys and gals.
- A congenial,
humble, and unaffected way.
- The use of
self-deprecating humor to humanize and make fun of themselves.
- Start all dealings in a cooperative
fashion, conveying empathy, along wiht a low-key pose of
calculated incompetence.
- The negotiating world often contains
some razzle-dazzle and hocus-pocus, so lighten up and
enjoy the game. Since we can't do much about birth and death, have some fun in the time
between.
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Prominent Points
- It's always a mistake to stereotype
or pigeonhole people and make unfounded assumptions
about them.
- To be a creative negotiator, go beyond
what's stated publicly to discover underlying interests
and needs.
- Always stay focused upon your goal.
Neer get sidetracked and become emotionally attached
to irrelevancies.
- If two alternatives appear close
together in time or space, the contrast makes one of them
more appealing.
- We are disposed to say "yes"
to a person we know, like, or identify with.
- When someone does you a favor or
gives you something of value, there is a tendency to
reciprocate.
- Negotiating is best seen as a problem-solving
process, where both sides interact to share their
preferences, so that mutually beneficial exchanges can be made.
- While displaying flexibility of style
(the how), always keep you interest or goal in mind (the
what).
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Prominent Points
- Before the strategic interaction
occurs, establish a specific and measurable goal that gives
direction to your activities.
- Being flexible on style
enables you to grudgingly yield on some how items to gain substance
(what) concessions in return.
- Open all discussions with commonality
and a demeanor that communicates consideration and
warmth.
- Save the most knotty or zero-sum
issue for last.
- Since human beings are complex and
multi-faceted, proble below the surface so you can
broaden the discussion. This enables you to make trade-offs and exchanges to facilitate
agreement.
- Concessions are not apprecaited unless
effort is expended to obtain them.
- If you say or do something inappropriate,
immediately offer an unqualified and unconditional
apology.
- There are four major criteria that
will finally induce your counterpart to say yes:
1. Sufficient investment.
2. Having a basis for
comparison.
3. A concession rate that
signals the approach of your bottom line.
4. The feeling that they
were involved in producing this outcome. |
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Prominent Points
- Every regress contains the seeds
of potential progress.
- The TIP acronym (time, information,
power) is present in most all negotiating situations.
- Don't underestimate yourself.
You always have more potency and options than you at first
believe.
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Prominent Points
- Time adds pressure, producing stress
and forcing decision making.
- Most concessions and agreements occur
in proximity to the deadline.
- As the deadline approaches, remain
confident and composed. Fretting and fussing is like a
rocking chair: It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
- Virtually everything, including deadlines,
has some give, making them negotiable. So, "It ain't
over till the deacon says amen."
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Prominent Points
- Use your lead time to give and get
information.
- Invariably, human satisfaction or
dissatisfaction is determined by the gap between anticipation
and outcome.
- During the early stages of negotiating
process, give the other side timely information to bring
their expectations in accord with reality.
- The fundamental formula for gathering
information is to listen more and talk less, pose
nonthreatening questions, and practice positive reinforcement.
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Prominent Points
- What matters is not what power you've
got, but what the other side thinks you've got.
- Don't ever underestimate your options
or capacity to make things happen.
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Prominent Points
- If you're a seller of products, services,
ideas, or proposals, generate competition for what you
have.
- As a buyer or consumer, realize that
vendors know that money talks and sometimes walks.
The only thing it doesn't say is when or if it's coming back.
- Progress requires that you occasionally
break from the herd and question symbols of
legitimacy.
- Develop a reputation as someone who
is willing to risk and even incur loss for the sake of core
values and principles.
- To positively affect the behavior
of your counterpart, start out by telling them what they would
like to hear and then express your dieas simply, using examples from their experience.
- The best way to deal with a direct
threat is to ignore it, play dumb, claim a lack of authority, or
just laugh it off.
- Watching the process unfold, develop
the gaming spirit of caring, but not t-h-a-t much by
lightening up and giggling more.
- Whenever you feel powerless and running
on empty, it's time to fill 'er up, by rereading these
pages.
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Prominent Points
- Terrorism, an unconscionable form
of negotiations, is a staged choreography of violence
directed against innocent people, designed to influence the behavior of a powerful government.
- Today's children are affected by
peer group pressure. Occassionally, though, they express a
desire to be different -- by dressing exactly like their friends.
- Although raising kids may be akin
to making pancakes, we don't have the luxury of throwing
away the first batch.
- Our greatest challenge as parents
is negotiating with our offspring in ways that produce win-
win outcomes.
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Prominent Points
- Not being overly attached to the
status quo can enable you to gain perspective, obtain more
information, aim higher, and take calculated risks.
- With all due respect, learning negotiations
solely by reading a book is like making love via
email. Thus, get out there and dare to begin.
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by Herb Cohen
Herb Cohen is the author of the blockbuster bestseller You Can Negotiate
Anything and a
practicing negotiator. His clients over three decades included U.S. presidents, corporate CEOs,
sports and theatrical agents, the State Department, the CIA, and the FBI. He has been an active
player in the Iran hostage crisis, arms control negotiations with the Soviet Union, Chase
Manhattan's entry into China, and the National Football League strike. |
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1. 1- The Joy of Detached Involve...
